Courtney

I just have to share this photo of Courtney. Because she's insanely gorgeous, and I seriously love it. It might be one of my favourite pictures I've ever taken. Just.... wowwwww. Heart eyes emoji.

writer's block

I am so writer's blocked right now. I'm trying to finish up tying together all the bits and pieces of a 1-day curriculum that is secret agent themed for church. It is slow going. I have all the ideas, and if I were doing it myself, I wouldn't even have to bother wiring it all together. But I'm making if for college students who are coming in to run it, so I'm trying to make my ideas be extremely clear. Tomorrow I will hopefully get some feedback from them, so we will see just how clear I have been.

Doesn't make me eager to try to finish the VBS curriculum I started...

In the meantime, here's cute pictures of Kelsey's new puppy, Sadie.

on a bad day

Today was a fibro flare type day. Or a migraine day. Or something. It was just a lot of pain day.
I used today, stuck in my bed in a darkened room, to reflect on my chronic illness. I tried to ask myself how I feel about having chronic pain? So much of my time is spent coping, planning, adjusting, and trying to learn how to manage... I'm not sure how much effort I've put into understanding my feelings about pain.

I know I feel guilty most of the time. I know this is a false guilt -- what's happened to me is not my fault, and I can't help it. But every time someone helps me, excuses me, tells me how sorry they are for me... I feel guilty that they are negatively affected by me. What you know and how you feel aren't exactly the same always. I don't want to feel guilty, but I know that I often do.

Here are a couple blog posts I read today while trying to process:
Dreaming Big
10 Conversations to Have About Chronic Pain

When songs give place to sighing

Blogtrack: His Eye is On the Sparrow - Mahalia Jackson

[July 2013]

The past few days have been surreal. I've thought about trying to write, and I just can't get anything out. Emily Cleveland is in the ICU with a severe brain bleed. At this point, she has had surgery and 85% of the clot has been removed which is miraculous and uncharted territory for even the expert surgeons who were working on her. She is unresponsive. It's just surreal.

Three days ago, she was sitting in our living room doing Christmas with us. We were laughing and smiling and hugging and making plans for spring visits. And now everything has changed. In so many ways, this feels like I'm in my senior year of high school again, and my whole mindset has shifted because of this. But I keep reminding myself that Emily is not Josh. This situation is not that one. Things are different.

So many people are praying for E. I am confident in the power of prayer. I have seen God work. Somehow, I am not worried. Worried is not the word for how I feel. I feel a quiet sadness, I guess. Because I know things will now be different for E and her family and for me, too. But I also keep thinking... if this is what God's will is... if this is what it takes for E or any of us to give Him more glory and grow in relationship with Him... then how could we not take on this challenge? How could we refuse to be tested by holy fire? This is where we dig in deep and see how far joy's roots reach into our souls. I'm not worried.

"Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,

When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies;

I draw closer to Him, from care He sets me free.

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me."