This afternoon, I felt that feeling of weariness creep up on me.
That feeling that whispers questions and fears to your heart like...
"I'm not enough."
"Nothing is ever simple and easy."
"Why am I even trying?"
The kind of feeling that makes you lay face down on your bed and bury your head in the pillows to scream. You know. That feeling.
My tendency is to stuff my stress, worry, and weariness and convince myself that I am using it to fuel my work. I maintain productivity. I keep on pushing. My attitude stays positive, but my heart remains stressed.
Yes, I continue to get things done. I also encourage a deeper sense of hopelessness. Because let's face it, no matter how many things you cross off a To Do list, there will always be more things to add.
But when I take the time to let God address my weary, hopeless heart, those feelings dissolve.
Truth counters and prevails over the questions and fears. The things that cause the stress -- situations, people, overcommitment, etc. -- may still exist in my life, but God can help me turn my feelings of inadequacy and weakness into joy.
I am reminded of the Apostle Paul telling about the "thorn in his flesh" in 2nd Corinthians. We do not know exactly what this thorn was. Some suggest it was a chronic disease. Whatever it was, Paul felt it a hinderance to his ministry. He prayed three times for the Lord to take away the affliction.
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:8-10Although he was not physically healed, God told Paul that God's power is best revealed through weakness. Time and time again we see God choosing weak people to be vessels of his power and hope. In our eyes, these people are illogical choices, but God shows us over and over that his grace is enough!
I feel as though we so often are willing to take the time to speak truth into the lives of others, but we do not give ourselves the same care. We do not allow or invite God into our small problems -- schedule, job pressures, or whatever it may be. And this is our downfall!
God is present in all places and situations. The big moments and the small. Why would we not welcome God into every part of our lives? After all, it is many small moments that add up into our big moments.
So here is the challenge. When you are face down in that pile of pillows and on the verge of tears, who will you rely on to comfort your heart?
The self who pushes you to accomplish tasks regardless of the mental, emotional, or physical toll?
Or the God who sees your soul and nourishes your spiritual condition so that you can be empowered to keep on working toward future glory?
Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant -- I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.
Those who desert him will perish, for you destroy those who abandon you.
But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tel everyone about the wonderful things you do. - Psalm 73:21-28
