embracing insomnia

This evening, I googled. My sleep schedule is to the point that I just do not know what to do. I am tired all of the time. Generally, I go to bed by 11 or 12 and lie in my bed wide awake until 2...3...4... or on the really bad nights even 5 in the morning. I celebrate the times when I have fallen asleep by 2. It's a pattern now that I hate, but don't know how to get rid of. I've stayed up all night hoping it would make me so tired I could sleep the next night, but that didn't work. I do all the things you are supposed to do to encourage sleep...

Well, anyhow. This evening, I googled. And I came to the decision that this night, instead of wasting hours just laying there being so completely awake, I would just do something productive instead. So here I am at two in the morning on the couch. I've been working on church things (I have an event coming on Friday and Saturday), and feeling the creative bug biting. Maybe in these hours I'll find new inspiration. Maybe my prayers will feel more deep. (Tonight we're praying for Uncle Eli traveling!) Maybe I'll become so exhausted that I turn into a giant crab tomorrow. Whatever these hours have in store, I'm ready for it. It's better than tossing and turning on my aching body in that bed that feels like an enemy with whom I desperately need to get along.

I lost myself in a canyon

Day one out of seven was not a success for the morning routine. I will try again tomorrow.
I did not sleep well at all. Maybe got 4-5 hours? from 4:30 on... Not my favorite kind of night. Hopefully tonight will be better. I was awakened by Kels and our friend from college, RaeLee. She stopped by and surprised us. So I tried to pull my achy self together. I hope I did an okay job. They were kind and brought lunch to me. I tried to get stuff done today. But it was hard.

I did go with Kels, and we got everything that I needed for Water Night. I think I have almost everything set at this point besides making a few notecards for the teaching part, setting up, and blowing up the bowling set. It's getting so close!! Nervous. We also got nails to hang up the decor that has been just sitting around our house. So here is one photo of that. More to come, I'm sure.

I don't have as thick of a skin as I like to portray to others. I'm feeling not like myself... a little down. Makes sense to me as the insomnia is back in the picture. This is how I used to feel more.

I uploaded a new video to my channel today. You can watch by clicking here: take a walk with me.

Thirty-six joyful hours

I am still awake. And I am so annoyed about this. I have been awake for over 36 hours at this point. I had maybe a half hour of dosing throughout that span of time. Not what I was planning on or hoping for. But I am sure that there is good in this somewhere. Because I am determined to respond to this well, to work on my character throughout, and to let God be God.... So awake I am until He has me fall asleep. Meanwhile, I just pray that is soon enough so I function in a holy and pleasing manner tomorrow. And make sense when I teach the kiddos.

Hit some photos from my all nighter last evening...

^5.44 am // beautiful skies awakening