When songs give place to sighing

Blogtrack: His Eye is On the Sparrow - Mahalia Jackson

[July 2013]

The past few days have been surreal. I've thought about trying to write, and I just can't get anything out. Emily Cleveland is in the ICU with a severe brain bleed. At this point, she has had surgery and 85% of the clot has been removed which is miraculous and uncharted territory for even the expert surgeons who were working on her. She is unresponsive. It's just surreal.

Three days ago, she was sitting in our living room doing Christmas with us. We were laughing and smiling and hugging and making plans for spring visits. And now everything has changed. In so many ways, this feels like I'm in my senior year of high school again, and my whole mindset has shifted because of this. But I keep reminding myself that Emily is not Josh. This situation is not that one. Things are different.

So many people are praying for E. I am confident in the power of prayer. I have seen God work. Somehow, I am not worried. Worried is not the word for how I feel. I feel a quiet sadness, I guess. Because I know things will now be different for E and her family and for me, too. But I also keep thinking... if this is what God's will is... if this is what it takes for E or any of us to give Him more glory and grow in relationship with Him... then how could we not take on this challenge? How could we refuse to be tested by holy fire? This is where we dig in deep and see how far joy's roots reach into our souls. I'm not worried.

"Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,

When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies;

I draw closer to Him, from care He sets me free.

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me."