I used today, stuck in my bed in a darkened room, to reflect on my chronic illness. I tried to ask myself how I feel about having chronic pain? So much of my time is spent coping, planning, adjusting, and trying to learn how to manage... I'm not sure how much effort I've put into understanding my feelings about pain.
I know I feel guilty most of the time. I know this is a false guilt -- what's happened to me is not my fault, and I can't help it. But every time someone helps me, excuses me, tells me how sorry they are for me... I feel guilty that they are negatively affected by me. What you know and how you feel aren't exactly the same always. I don't want to feel guilty, but I know that I often do.
Here are a couple blog posts I read today while trying to process:
Dreaming Big
10 Conversations to Have About Chronic Pain
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