Peace on Earth
This phrase has been repeating in my mind all day. Today, I don't feel peace. This whole year has not felt peaceful. And sometimes I wonder if full peace is possible.
There is a song I heard yesterday for the first time that declared "there is no peace in quiet." It's a song about missing someone and how silence reminds you of absence.
Yesterday, a dear elderly man at my church passed away. A person with a ready smile, supportive word, and sweet humor. He touched so many lives. Our status as a church for the misfits of society comes much from the hospitality and love that oozed from this man and his wife.
People loved him. Because he loved them, and they felt that. We saw Jesus in him and his ways. He was a quiet, lovely person. Peaceful in manner and deed.
His legacy reminds me of a passage in Romans 12 about being a living sacrifice:
Love should be shown without pretending. Love each other like the members of your family. Be the best at showing honor to each other. Don't hesitate to be enthusiastic -- be on fire in the Spirit as you serve the Lord! Contribute to the needs of God's people, and welcome strangers into your home. Be happy with those who are happy and cry with those who are crying. Consider as everyone as equal, and don't think that you're better than anyone else. Instead, associate with people who have no status. If possible, to the best of your ability, live at peace with all people. Don't be defeated by evil, but defeat evil with good.
Maybe peace on Earth so far as the whole world standing side by side in harmony isn't possible. Maybe it won't happen. But that doesn't mean I will stop, so far as it depends on me, living peaceably. I am a peacemaker. I am helping to raise up a generation of peacemakers. I go forward in peace because peacemaking is part of my identity in Christ.
If I have anything to do with it, there will be peace.
We are SO close to December. Which also means that we are getting close to Advent.
Advent has got to be one of my favorite times of the year. There is such expectancy and warmth.
I was trying to ask myself why I like Christmas so much. Every answer I could come up always came back to hope.
This is the season of hope. And expectant hope.
Jesus has already come. We expect to celebrate.
He is going to come again. We are expectantly waiting.
I have to confess. I have been dreading the Christmas season.
It is busy at church.
At home.
Out shopping.
And to a woman who has fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, that sounds terrible.
This is my fourth Christmas having a chronic illness. By now, I have been around the block to know what the holidays will mean for my emotions, body, disease, etc.
As I was relaxing into this feeling of disappointment and dread, I realized that just wasn't acceptable to me.
Ergo. I've been trying to catch myself each time the stress and dread starts to take over and remind myself.
This is a joyful thing. I don't have to dread it.
This is one of my favorite things. I don't have to put a ton of energy into it.
This is a blessed Christmas.
Because.
Jesus has already come. I expect to celebrate that.
He is going to come again. I am expectantly waiting.
I invite you to join me for a blessed Christmas this year. My plan is to blog throughout the Advent season as I explore it in a new way. Tune in back here starting December 1. Let's go through this season in hope together.
Reading in John 15 today. I usually read from the New Living Translation because it is beautifully phrased, but today I chose to read from Common English as that is what we use as pew Bibles at church.
The thing that struck me was the repetition of the word remain.
Remain in me, and I will remain in you.
You can't produce fruit unless you remain in me.
If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you.
Remain in my love.
If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love.
I have said these things to you so that my joy will be in you and your joy will be complete.
This is my commandment: love each other just as I have loved you.
According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of remain is
- to be a part not destroyed, taken, or used up
- to stay in the same place or with the same person or group; especially to stay behind
- to continue unchanged
Synonyms of remain:
abide, dwell, stay, tarry
Make Christ your home. Dwell in him.
Abide in the love of Christ.
The result of remaining in his love is replication of his love. When we follow his commandment to love as he loved us, his love is given to another and another.
This transfer of love leads to hope being passed person to person. And that is cause for great joy.
This afternoon, I felt that feeling of weariness creep up on me.
That feeling that whispers questions and fears to your heart like...
"I'm not enough."
"Nothing is ever simple and easy."
"Why am I even trying?"
The kind of feeling that makes you lay face down on your bed and bury your head in the pillows to scream. You know. That feeling.
My tendency is to stuff my stress, worry, and weariness and convince myself that I am using it to fuel my work. I maintain productivity. I keep on pushing. My attitude stays positive, but my heart remains stressed.
Yes, I continue to get things done. I also encourage a deeper sense of hopelessness. Because let's face it, no matter how many things you cross off a To Do list, there will always be more things to add.
But when I take the time to let God address my weary, hopeless heart, those feelings dissolve.
Truth counters and prevails over the questions and fears. The things that cause the stress -- situations, people, overcommitment, etc. -- may still exist in my life, but God can help me turn my feelings of inadequacy and weakness into joy.
I am reminded of the Apostle Paul telling about the "thorn in his flesh" in 2nd Corinthians. We do not know exactly what this thorn was. Some suggest it was a chronic disease. Whatever it was, Paul felt it a hinderance to his ministry. He prayed three times for the Lord to take away the affliction.
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:8-10
Although he was not physically healed, God told Paul that God's power is best revealed through weakness. Time and time again we see God choosing weak people to be vessels of his power and hope. In our eyes, these people are illogical choices, but God shows us over and over that his grace is enough!
I feel as though we so often are willing to take the time to speak truth into the lives of others, but we do not give ourselves the same care. We do not allow or invite God into our small problems -- schedule, job pressures, or whatever it may be. And this is our downfall!
God is present in all places and situations. The big moments and the small. Why would we not welcome God into every part of our lives? After all, it is many small moments that add up into our big moments.
So here is the challenge. When you are face down in that pile of pillows and on the verge of tears, who will you rely on to comfort your heart?
The self who pushes you to accomplish tasks regardless of the mental, emotional, or physical toll?
Or the God who sees your soul and nourishes your spiritual condition so that you can be empowered to keep on working toward future glory?
Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant -- I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. Those who desert him will perish, for you destroy those who abandon you. But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tel everyone about the wonderful things you do. - Psalm 73:21-28
So I have been thinking about this for a long while. Have you ever seen one of those t-shirts on Instagram that says something like "This girl runs on coffee and Jesus."? Or an Etsy-esque pallet board sign that says something akin to "All I need today is a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of Jesus." A personal favorite are the items that proclaim, "Coffee fuels me. Jesus keeps me going."
These items kind of bother me. I even own one a picture that is exactly like these. But I still feel weird about it.
Not too long ago I was at a conference for our denomination, and one of the points that was made by one of our bishops was to have someone who truly enjoys coffee make it for Sunday mornings at church. His thought was that coffee is a huge deal to people who are stopping by a church. So if we get one thing right on a Sunday morning, it better be the coffee.
This is so frustrating to me. Yes, make people feel welcome. Yes, provide things that create a good experience. But if the only thing we have going for us is a good cup of coffee, I'm doubting those visitors will be back. They can get a good, free cup of coffee at nearly any church it seems. And if they really, truly care about coffee, they're going to buy their own before the service, bring it with them, and try to sneak it into the sanctuary. (Yes, I see you doing that. Bring me one next time.)
Our culture seems obsessed with coffee. Christian culture can seem obsessed with coffee. It's to this point where it feels like an idol. We wake up every morning and say to ourselves.. gotta have that cup of coffee. This is what turns me into a living, breathing, functioning actual human. Oh, and Jesus. He sustains that. Like. He keeps me being human once coffee has done it's transforming, miraculous work.
Coffee is popular to love. And I think part of this is because you can love it in the open, idolize it even, and nobody is going to give you flak for it. It's loved to near idolatry. Imagine if we replaced coffee in those phrases with some other idol that is less acceptable...
"This girl runs on shopping and Jesus!"
"All I need today is a little bit of drugs and a whole lot of Jesus!"
"Porn fuels me. Jesus keeps me going."
Like, it's weird, right?
I think it bothers me so much because it is like good grief. What would happen if we were as obsessed with Jesus as we are with coffee? What if we woke up and craved Jesus like we do coffee? Or if around 2 pm during that afternoon slump at work we were to think, man, it's time to have a 15 minute break and talk to Jesus now. Gotta have Jesus.
Girl. Coffee is great and all, but Jesus is the one who should be motivating and fueling you. Yes, He is the Sustainer, but He is also the Author. Perfecter. Wellspring. Beginning. End. The Way. The Truth. The Life.
Jesus cannot be the afterthought. He should be the first and foremost thought. Coffee should fall by the wayside. Gym workouts, by the wayside. Makeup, by the wayside. Alcohol, by the wayside. Lust, by the wayside. The former things fall away! Jesus is the one who transforms your life. And girl. It's gotta transform from thinking that coffee is the thing that gets you through.
Yes, this is kind of tongue in cheek. Coffee is just the example. We are so careless with our thoughts and speech sometimes that things come out like Jesus isn't the most important to us. But the thing is, that if it consistently comes out that way, I'm betting He might not be.
"Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me." Psalm 54:4 "The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:15-17
Today is the beginning of the new liturgical calendar. We begin again to tell the story of Jesus beginning with the anticipation of the Messiah's birth: Advent. We are reminded of the past -- Israel waiting for Christ -- and we look forward toward Christ's future coming.
These are the four calls of Advent:
A Call to Hope
We remember God's promises of a Savior. God always keeps his promises; he is faithful. We remember the hope of a Messiah for the Israelites. We rekindle and reignite our expectancy of Christ's second coming. There is hope in Christ. He is like a light in the darkness that shows us where to go. Christ Jesus, you are our hope.
A Call to Peace
Christ's birth and death made it possible for there to be peace between God and man. Christ has restored our relationship and made a way for us to spend eternity with him. We are ambassadors of God's peaceful kingdom on earth now. We daily establish peace in our hearts which flows into our lives. Christ Jesus, you are our peace.
A Call to Joy
Great joy was sent to us! The people walking in darkness have seen a great light! Where there was darkness -- there is now light! Where there was death -- there is now life! The angels announced the message of joy available for all people -- salvation through Christ. We renew our joy this season of Advent. Christ Jesus, you are our joy.
A Call to Love
We remember Love incarnate. The ultimate example of Love was born as a baby. His life was filled with love. He loved us so much that he died a horrible death for us! Jesus, established a way for us to live with God forever. We now spread his love to the world. Our prime objective is love! Love of God and love of others. We act in the way that only people who have known love can love. And how fortunate we are to have a record of Christ's actions on earth! Jesus told us that his followers will be known by their love. Christ Jesus, is our love.
Practice living in hope, peace, joy, and love this Advent season!
Gaudete performed by the King Singers
Gaudete, gaudete! Christus est natus ex Maria virgine, gaudete! Tempus adest gratiæ hoc quod optabamus, Carmina lætitiæ devote reddamus. Deus homo factus est natura mirante, Mundus renovatus est a Christo regnante. Ezechielis porta clausa pertransitur, Unde lux est orta salus invenitur. Ergo nostra concio psallat iam in lustro; Benedicat Domino: Salus Regi nostro.
Rejoice, rejoice! Christ has born of the Virgin Mary -- rejoice! The time of grace has come -- what we have wished for, songs of joy. Let us give back faithfully. God has become man, with nature marvelling. The world has been renewed by Christ who is reigning. The closed gate of Ezekiel is passed through, whence the light is raised, salvation is found. Therefore, let our preaching now sing in brightness. Let it give praise to the Lord: Greeting to our King.
The past few days have been surreal. I've thought about trying to write, and I just can't get anything out. Emily Cleveland is in the ICU with a severe brain bleed. At this point, she has had surgery and 85% of the clot has been removed which is miraculous and uncharted territory for even the expert surgeons who were working on her. She is unresponsive. It's just surreal.
Three days ago, she was sitting in our living room doing Christmas with us. We were laughing and smiling and hugging and making plans for spring visits. And now everything has changed. In so many ways, this feels like I'm in my senior year of high school again, and my whole mindset has shifted because of this. But I keep reminding myself that Emily is not Josh. This situation is not that one. Things are different.
So many people are praying for E. I am confident in the power of prayer. I have seen God work. Somehow, I am not worried. Worried is not the word for how I feel. I feel a quiet sadness, I guess. Because I know things will now be different for E and her family and for me, too. But I also keep thinking... if this is what God's will is... if this is what it takes for E or any of us to give Him more glory and grow in relationship with Him... then how could we not take on this challenge? How could we refuse to be tested by holy fire? This is where we dig in deep and see how far joy's roots reach into our souls. I'm not worried.
"Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies;
I draw closer to Him, from care He sets me free.
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me."
It is my usual custom on this day to take an inventory of the past year by month. I've become increasingly bad at remembering things, and this year, I don't have the advantage of having my journal close by or my ipod for remembering playlists. But I shall try to fill in with some thoughts about 2015 which was a very interesting year in some ways and completely unremarkable in others. Isn't that always how it goes?
The word of the year seemed to be JOY. I didn't mean for that to be the theme that came back over and over, but I found myself seeking after joy more often than not. Joy didn't mean happy, exactly. It was a big, growing, stretching year. 2015 was one of the most 'alone' years I've ever had, but it was not lonely. I've never been the person who looked on the bright side, and I don't think that was the lesson that I was learning this year. But I definitely learned something about self worth, selfishness, attitude, that there is a time to let go and a time to dig in for the long haul, and setting your mind on things that are good and holy... looking for the absolute truth when you are preoccupied with how you feel.
It has set me up to be excited for the next year that as my health improves, I can be looking for opportunities to engage in relationships. I'm excited to see how God moves. My desire is to make more and more moments available, open, and welcoming for others to engage with me. And for the Holy Spirit to minister and work. If I could pre-pick a word for the year, I think I would choose KINDNESS. I want to bring kindness and gentleness into my speech, actions, etc. in a way like I never have before.
And now. Some highlights from 2015 via one of my favourite mediums: photo.
My most played according to iTunes...
10 - Sunshine by Tom Misch
9 - Geronimo by Sheppard
8 - Wake Your Soul by The Hope Arsenal
7 - Paris by Fickle Friends
6 - Elastic Heart by Sia
5 - Modern Love by Coasts
4 - I Shall Not Want by Audrey Assad
3 - Ohio (Filous Remix) by Damien Jurado
2 - Coming Over (Filous Remix) by James Hersey
1 - Vivaldi's The Four Seasons (Spring) 2. Largo recorded by Simon Standage & Trevor Pinnock
Also loved...
Justin Bieber's album Purpose, One Direction's album Made in the A.M., Keaton Henson's album Dear, The Staves, and all manner of music that has been deemed "sassy elevator jazzy coffee time" music.
Well, I have succeeded in the second baking fail of my life. I was asked to make a cake for a funeral dinner for tomorrow so I decided to make an oatmeal cake with coconut on top. Of course, the coconut topping broiled much quicker than I thought it would so it burnt crispy. Luckily, the whole top scraped right off, and I did it a second time and watched it closely the whole time. Dexter must have thought I looked kooky sitting on the kitchen floor staring at the broiler.
The virtual prayer night for Central went pretty well tonight. About 5 people logged in for the hour, and we had some good posting going on. Really enjoyed this video about prayer that I found:
Also, one of the prompts was to list things that are true of God's character (recognize that Mom?) and give Him glory for that list. So I provided the list that I have been compiling over the years and had people add to it. I really appreciated seeing others' posts.
We discussed what it means to be the body and prayed about how to love well. Then we listened to this song and asked God where we are called to be His body right now... who are we supposed to love specifically...
In other news, I don't have jury duty tomorrow so I will be going to my doctor's appointment as scheduled. So. That's good. I'm guessing that if I get called in, it will be on Wednesday. But we shall see. Praying that it is not Friday because I already have big plans for that day. Well. Off to bed so I can greet the day well tomorrow.
On Friday night, we had the Advent Labyrinth at church. Leading up to the fact, I think I had a flu bug. I was feeling awful, and I wasn't sure if I would even make it through setup. But I did. And the event. Although setup was awful, my brain was working about as well as the scarecrow's, and I felt like I had eaten bad eggs... the Labyrinth was beautiful. It was exactly everything I had hoped and prayed it would be when I envisioned it months ago. The soft candlelight, the carols played on violin and piano... A hush falling over the crowd of around thirty people of varied ages all mesmerized by the glow. So peaceful. For a taste... Just put on this music and look at these photos.
So as I always seem to end up doing, I've left quite a large gap of time that I would try to fill in, but I just don't want to bother. I do kind of like telling the story of what has happened with a little bit of distance between when it happened and the telling... I can more accurately figure out how I feel about it in retrospect, but at a certain point, I just give up with trying to record it at all.
Therefore. This will be a lot of pictures I want to share. And a couple bits of thoughts I have had.
On my drive to Fairview for Thanksgiving, I was post-drome migraine. I put One Direction and Justin Bieber (new albums) on repeat and tried to learn words. It just reminded me a lot of driving up north last January as Grandma was passing away. I had been listening to a new One Direction album then, and there was a similar cold feeling in the air. This, being my first wintry drive since then, had a reminiscent quality. Nearly every time I made that drive last January, I would see an owl in the same spot between Luzerne and Mio. So on this drive, I asked God if I could please see one.
I asked for an owl, and He gave me two hawks and the most unexpected, gorgeous sunset. What we want and what we need or are given don't always line up. But you know, I was really thankful for those beautiful blessings; reminders of our Creator.
Not knowing if I would be able to be with the family for Thanksgiving for the couple of days leading up to the holiday was awful. I was in pain with migraine. I was under stress from work. I was hurting emotionally. And I was not dealing with it very well. BUT GOD knew where I needed to be. And when I needed to be there.
In the right timing, I arrived home and spent wonderful days with the people I love so very much. Such a full heart. An aching heart, yes. But full because I am grateful that I have had so many dear things and people in my life. (I'm thinking of Grandma Druber and Germaine right now.) This trip was full of blessings and rich moments for me. I just recognize God knowing me so intimately and knowing what is going on in His world so well, and I want to give Him glory for knowing perfectly.
I'd also like to shoutout my sister. Courtney is one of my very favourite people in the world, and I am so insanely thankful that she is in my life. I feel SO lucky that I get to be her sister and friend. She is just such a beautiful person, and I love that she is a becoming person. The older we get, the closer we get; I just feel so privileged to be growing up with such a lovely, grace-filled person like Court.
We all know one of my big challenges of life is learning how to deal with/express my emotions. Thanksgiving was a giant emotion supercharged time which I am probably still working out. The holidays, I know, can be a very sad time. But I refuse to indulge in sadness. I am a JOY-bringer, and this season is the ultimate reminder celebration of HOPE. And Christians are the HOPE-filled, JOY-givers who are going into all corners of the world sharing the Gospel of PEACE. So that's what I am going to do. Wherever I am, I will be a representative of a life changed by JOY.
"Great indeed, we confess, is the mystery of godliness: He was manifested in the flesh, vindicated by the Spirit, seen by angels, proclaimed among the nations, believed on in the world, taken up in glory." -- 1 Timothy 3:16
In the span of a couple of weeks, my life has dramatically changed. My health has soared to new heights which I had almost begun to think was impossible. I feel like each day I make a gain. As things continue to change, I will have more to say on the matter. But for right now, praise the Lord that we have hit on the medicine that is going to carry me into winter in the best possible health.
Last week I worked more than I have since August. One fun thing I did at the church was to set up harvest decor in the narthex, sanctuary and do a new chalk drawing on the Cafe sign.
For dinner tonight, I had a huge craving to make Korean bibimbap. So Kelsey and I headed to World Market to seek out the one ingredient I didn't have which is most necessary for bibimbap: gochujang. Gochujang is like a spicy chile paste, and it is delish. I mixed it with some honey and sesame seed oil and folded it into my rice. In another pan, I sautéed shredded carrots and baby spinach in sesame seed oil and then added ground beef that Kelsey had pre-cooked. You fold this into the rice as well and fry up an egg sunny side up so that it is still runny and eat this over the rice. You can add in other things, like I added onion flakes and some cheese, but you could also add mushrooms or whatever veg or kimchi or anything you have laying around. I just think it is so easy, and I love the flavoring.
Tomorrow I'm looking forward to sprucing up the house a bit and getting my ideas more clearly developed for our upcoming Advent Labyrinth. I've gotten quite a bit figured out today, but I hope to have all the details hashed out tomorrow. In the evening, I'm going to an online 'training' of sorts for IF leaders called IF:Visioncast, and I'm pretty pumped about that. We are hosting our next Table dinner on Sunday, so I also want to figure out how I'm setting the table and exactly what the menu will be, as well. PLUS. I scheduled a phone date with Aunt Jane. Should be a good Tuesday. :)
