eight

Today I feel very accomplished. One meeting down for church leadership, three children's events put on the calendar, only one room left to clean in the house and a little bit of vacuuming, worship team practice, Dexter's nails cut, and a little energy to spare. I got my prescriptions ready to be filled tomorrow, and everything is ready to be taken to the second-hand store for donation.
Tonight I also talked to Oliver for awhile. Last week I called him and left a message apologizing for some unkind things I had said about him to our mutual friends and my resentful feelings toward him over the past few years. I wanted him to know that I am not angry, and I was wrong to treat him the way I did, no matter what perceived wrong he had done to me. He had texted me back that night and asked if it was okay if he called me this week so we could talk, and I agreed. I wasn't quite sure what this conversation would be like, but as soon as we got on the phone, he thanked me for leaving the message and apologizing, but said that he immediately wanted to call me back to say that he knew that a lot of my feelings were warranted because he knew he had behaved like a jerk. And then he, too, apologized. Which was like wow. Who would have thought that we would end up at the point where we would both be able to say, "I was wrong," and truly mean it? It meant a lot to me. But that conversation out of the way, we caught up on life, and it was just nice. I've always hoped that I would be able some day to look back on the last couple years of college and remember more of the good parts than the bad, and I think today's conversation was a huge step in that direction.
Well now I'm off to bed. It's a nostalgic sort of grey day that I always try to keep busy on. I think I succeeded in that today. Always...

simplicity

This evening was our IF: Pray event. This morning's symptoms were still intense, but it had mostly subsided by 3:30. I guess I was too in the thick of it all because I totally forgot to take any pictures of the evening. Oops. We had four tables set up in the fellowship hall with vases of baby's breath and a floating candle in the center of each. We put up a strand of clear Christmas lights, and I set up a wooden drink cart as an info station with one of Grandma's lace tablecloths over it, the information in picture frames, and some more baby's breath. In the corner of the room, we put down a rug and had our stools on it and podium in front of it. With the help of Pastor Bev, I made coffee for the ladies, and we had a good two hours of prayer, discussion, and worship. I am very glad that we did it.

Something I've been considering for awhile (the major principles I've been considering for years) and have finally decided I'm going to try to implement to some degree in my life is minimalism. There is so much about my life that seems unmanageable and especially living in such a small space, it seems like my possessions can kind of take over the space if only even a couple of things are out of place. I pared down when I moved here, but I think it is time to pare down again with the mindset of not replacing unless I am in a different season of life that calls for a true need of an item. I know that my greatest peace of mind house-wise is when my kitchen is clean. But if all my areas were simple to clean and had ample space because I had only exactly what I need.... Yes. That is ideal. So I've been reading up and watching YouTube videos about how to start the decluttering process, how to create a capsule wardrobe, etc. so I can figure out what parts of living light are a good fit for me. I sorted one bookshelf today. And then I took a break and read one of the books before putting it in the 'get rid of' pile (The Magician's Elephant by Kate DiCamillo). And tomorrow I will continue.
(21 Benefits of Owning Less)

Rough changes

It has been a very long week of icky feelings. My new medicine is hard to adjust to. There is a lot of pain and illness. And a lot of me trying to get by and get things done in spite of it all. I hope each day that I am getting better and more acclimated, but we shall see how it all turns out after the next week.
It all leaves me feeling a bit uninspired. I'm trying to keep the joy up and my productivity up, but it's hard. Even right now I am having some trouble with sentences. So I think that is it for now.

lattes & planning

The big points of the day can be summed up as follows:

(1) The Gospel Project curriculum arrived in the late afternoon -- securing my plans for Wednesday as "curriculum planning."

(2) Olympic theme music played for hours as I worked to inspire myself while writing plans for VBS 2016. Something sort of themed maybe "Ready, set, go!" -or- "More than gold" -or- something else Olympic/athletic sounding.

(3) This Sunday I will be going to a local assisted living to help with a devotional type service. I'm giving a 25 minute devotional and playing piano. It's called "Moments of Devotion," and it's headed up by a lovely elderly man from our congregation named Loyal. Hopefully I'll be helping there more often than not coming up.

(4) My afternoon brain break was to try to make an at home latte. Lattes (just in case you aren't familiar) are a shot of espresso, steamed milk, about 8-10 oz, and can have foam on top (or not). Espresso is made by forcing steam through grounds, which I can't do at home since I don't have an espresso machine, but a close second is making as strong of coffee as possible in place of espresso. Which I did by making french pressed coffee. Which is its own thing... Anyhow, I do have a milk foamer. So I heated some unsweetened almond milk, foamed it a bit, and made a couple lattes for us. I'm hoping to get better at it, but honestly it was pretty good for my first try without the proper equipment.

Off to bed now. My sleep is a bit messed up from the migraine, but hoping I can kick it back into a routine again.

Lyme free

This day can only be described as containing the grandaddy whopper of all migraines. The kind where I have to sit with my head crooked to the side or I throw up a little. Not pleasant at all. But after more than 24 hours, it has finally calmed down and eased off giving me some relief. So as it is now nearly midnight, I am ready for work... ha. (But that is kind of how I feel. My brain is telling me to make up for all that I missed during the day that I was lights out.)

There are a lot of things that I really want to do with my life. I haven't really written them down all bucket list style (not sure I subscribe to that), but I have goals of things that would be really lovely to achieve. Simple things, even. Declutter my movie collection for one. Make a quilt. Develop all the photos I took for Photo I in college. I'm not sure why all of these things come flooding to mind once I hit migraine postdrome, but they have.

Today I also learned that I do not have Lyme disease. I'm not exactly sure how to feel about it. You would think that I would just feel relieved not to have it, but it kind of feels defeating. Because in a way it might have been simpler to have Lyme disease. But that is not what happened, so I can't dwell on that. I just get to keep living this life that is mine, lyme free.

Backtracking just a bit, on Friday after Kelsey was done with soccer a few people came over and watched When a Stranger Calls and had homemade pizza with us. I was having a really high pain day with my hands so Kels did a lot of the physical labor in making the pizza. We had Jeff, Andrea, Nate, and Katie (I think that was her name, but it was my first time meeting her). We didn't end up starting the movie until maybe 10, and it is kind of a jump-scare type movie. Not really scary to me, but it can be startling. Kels scares easily, so we were pretty amused watching her scream. The girls both ended up leaving early. Andrea was nervous and Katie was tired, but the guys stayed pretty late even after the movie ended, and we had a big discussion about personality type. I'm starting to really feel like I have a friend group. Which is so nice. It was fun to have people who I have inside jokes with and can laugh easily around.

On Saturday, Kels convinced me to go with her to a barbecue which became a hangout because of rain at a girl named Amy's house. We met a lot of other people there, and I knew a couple of them already which was nice. We played a few games like charades-type, catchphrase, etc. and then they wanted to go play ultimate frisbee so I went out to watch them. It started raining, and Amy and I went back inside. She also has chronic illness/fibromyalgia issues so we talked shop over mint tea. She had some good gluten free food advice for me, and I advised her about my excellent body pillow. Once everyone else came back in and dried off, they played another game, but my brain fog was rolling in real heavy so I just watched. It can be really exhausting to be around people and even more exhausting to be in a new place with new people so first impressions are just nearly impossible for me, but Amy added me on facebook and sent me a nice message yesterday, so I feel like I made another friend. Oh! And! Kelsey and I got invited to go with a group to Amy's family's cottage on Lake Louise at the end of September. So that's pretty exciting. I'm praying I feel well enough for that because... yes... friends!

PS: Victory. Bennet made it THE WHOLE WAY through Sunday school.

old joy

I've been staring at a blank screen for ten minutes. Not sure what exactly I want to write, but I do want to write. It was a long week last week. The internet at Dad and Mom's house frustrates me which made me want to do almost nothing on the internet besides what I needed to for my job. Besides that I was pretty much exhausted by 9:30 every night and ready for bed soon after. HISability is extremely rewarding and definitely my favourite week of the year, but it is so tiring in a normal case... and quadruply so in the year when I am diagnosed with chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. While I was at camp, the doctor called me to check in on my wheat elimination diet and general health and to tell me that I have an initial positive for Lyme disease. There is more testing that has to be done, and this doesn't mean I definitely have it, but it is a maybe. I don't know if that is a better or worse thing in my mind now. But whatever it is, it is a possibility as much as it was before. So it is okay.

Thought I would upload some pictures from when I was home and Courtney and I went on a rainy Sunday afternoon adventure...

Today saw me ordering the new curriculum for next quarter for KidCentral. We are going to try The Gospel Project and see if that works out to having more substance than the Group one we were using. I also was working on choosing an Advent theme and looking into a VBS for 2016. Trying to get ahead in planning. I'll probably work through tomorrow, too, since I took a break early on in the week. This evening, Kelsey and I met our friend Marisol at a laundromat to wash all her family's clothes, bedding, towels, etc. so that their house will be absolutely clean for her sister who will hopefully be coming home from the hospital soon. They are having the house professionally cleaned; we did at least 16 loads of laundry in about four hours. Wasn't too bad, and I was glad that we could help them out in some way.

2.25

The kind of headache that both keeps you awake way too late and doesn't allow for any sort of restful relief... Yes, this is my life for the moment.

I shall not want

This morning I woke up much happier than how I felt when I went to bed. I've decided wheat elimination is hard on the soul. Emotions run high when you don't get your usual gluten.

I tried a gluten free bar for breakfast which was good, but the star of the morning was my coffee. I think I will always love coffee more than nearly every other food type. Except potatoes. Because... obvi.

Kelsey and I received the strangest envelopes in the mail today.

Fairly certain they are from Drew, and this furthers our Pug Pranks. Not sure yet as to how we will retaliate.

We spent our afternoon out on the town. Kels wanted to price compare FitBits and get some shorts, and I kind of tagged along. I ended up finding another white vase (I'm collecting), and it was 90 cents so that's pretty good!

Kels made us steak for supper, and we watched Aladdin. I don't know if I said that we watched Mulan yesterday, but I have been in the mood to watch Disney movies over... the ones that I don't really remember anyway. Mulan was better than I remember, but I didn't like Aladdin as much as I remembered.

Now we're packing for our trips, and I'm procrastinating about it because that's what I do when I have to do a big pack. So instead, I'm listening to The Cure and Bryan Adams and other classics because I can.

Hoping for a wonderful week at camp. Praying that it is all prepared and I don't have massive amounts of prep waiting for me tomorrow. I don't know why, but I am feeling so nervous about the future; money, circumstance, etc. I KNOW who holds my future. But I'm praying for more solid faith in the face of anxiety that I cannot seem to settle. Listening to this song on repeat as I do so:

Summer girl

Today called for a bit of a break. This morning I did some admin type stuff for KidCentral, and planned out my lesson. When Kels got up we did brunch (egg white vegetable omelet and hash browns for me), stopped by the thrift store where I found a wooden cupcake stand, and then we did a soda can return. Watched Mulan this afternoon, and now Kels is gone to soccer. When she's back, we'll have supper of sorts. I still have to figure out what version of a taco I can eat.

I'm not sure why I feel what I feel, but sometimes it feels like the walls are closing a bit around me. I have a few things looming over my head. Which aren't even big things, but they feel big. How is it that small things get to be so insurmountable? Is this why the Scriptures list such basic things when telling us not to worry? .... Are we wired so that even the most secure thing has the potential to make us worry? Maybe other people don't feel this way, and it's not such a normal part of being responsible, but for me, there's always a running list of things in my head that need to be taken care of. I can't shut that off... I can suppress it for awhile, but it's always lingering in the back of my mind. And when I do try to suppress it, it makes all the points of the list seem like much bigger deals. Not sure that makes sense. But it's nice to put it out. I hold in my feelings a lot. Maybe too much. So it's probably good that I just get them out somehow.

Rhythm of my life

I'm pretty well wiped. I was wiped at 9:45 this morning when I got out of the shower. But alas. I had my next set of blood labs run today, so yippee to one less 12 hour fast. I'm starting to feel the effects of the gluten free business. I'm hungry randomly and craving meat. I kind of remember this from last time.

This evening Kels and I hung out in our yard for supper, played bean bag toss, and sang some. Nice night in. Andrea was over for a bit. Now I am so ready to sleep.

Back

Okay, so long time no blog. I can't even try to summarize all the things that have happened since I last updated. Well, I could, but I think it would end up quite boring, and I would certainly be bored writing it.

Physically I am feeling better, generally. My new doctor has put fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue on my record as working diagnoses. I am massively Vitamin D deficient and so am taking 3000 IU a day plus another 50,000 IU weekly. I wasn't sure how VBS would effect me, but it's been a bit of a headache and a couple days laying low. I'm really hoping that tomorrow is back to usual speed. Last week, we played a little bit of volleyball just hitting it around, and I messed up my thumb somehow. That seems to be mostly healed apart from a bruise and hurting a little, but now not much more than is "normal" for my hands to hurt.

VBS went really well. A few kinks here and there, but those were even just tiny things... mostly slight miscommunication. The big things to come out of VBS that I will be working on are creating a better relationship with the International churches and figuring out our social media policy. I have a lot of fresh ideas for the coming year, as well, and I hope to have a basic 2016 calendar put together by the end of the week. Much excite.

This evening, if I am feeling well enough, I'm going to spend some time redecorating in the children's area. I have a lot of carnival type decor that is ready to go up, but I haven't felt up to it before now. If I run out of energy, I'll be working on writing an entry for a 30 day devotional for chronically ill people that my friend Beret is working to put together.

Either way, it's now time for another cup of coffee, some more good music, and I'm going to do a "brain dump." Put all of my big ideas on a paper so that I can remember them when I get the time to really invest in making them reality. Here's to hoping that I can pick up the blogging again!