Bloom

Remember what I said about my life being full of little gains and losses? Today felt a lot like a loss even though it was technically a gain, health wise.

I now have an appointment to go to see my primary care provider in July. That was the first that they had an opening. It is a gain.

It feels like a loss because it is not the D.O. that I had selected before, and I know nothing about this guy except for that the receptionist thought he would be best for helping me figure out my undiagnosed chronic illness.

I remind myself that there is no point in being upset over something that clearly wasn't supposed to be mine in the first place. Why regret something that hasn't even happened... a doctor I've never met.. etc. I think it was just a frustrating thing because it was like... one more thing, of course.

I felt really gross today besides that and after I cried for awhile about my having to switch PCPs, I have had a headache as well. I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion, I think, which you know means that I was really feeling awful. It didn't really ease up post nap, but that was kind of the state of the day. I didn't accomplish much of what I wanted to.. plans went very awry on all accounts of pretty much everything I attempted today. I am giving myself the rest of tonight to feel a little down and out about being chronically ill.

BUT.

Once the sun rises, my pity party is over. It is a new day, new mercies, and new hopes. Tomorrow will be better. I'm deciding right now that I will accomplish a TON tomorrow. So that when I get to updating this tomorrow night, I will feel successful, vibrant, and pleased. This is the goal. I think it's attainable. Now I'm off to sleep so that I can get up decently early and hit the yoga, coffee, and kidmin planning groove.