Keep your head up

Today is one of those days where I have to work a little harder at being grateful to have the experience of chronic illness. It was a headache day, a stomach pain day, a crampy muscle day, etc. It felt discouraging because it was one of those times where I was just like.. how is this my life? This is what it comes to..

But it was alright. Because I was still able to work on VBS stuff, I'm not in trouble for missing work somewhere since I have a job that is ideal for me, I was able to eat and Kelsey provided a lovely supper for me, my doggie likes to cuddle me when I am sad, etc. etc. etc.

The blessings far outweigh the problems. My character is being refined each day. My faith is put through fire and is being proven true. Eternal rewards! These things are so much better than the temporary pains I am experiencing now. I just have to keep this "kingdom" perspective day to day.

Yes, I am praying that tomorrow is better than today.
But more than that, I am praying my attitude is better tomorrow.

If you have time, I suggest you read this blogpost from Life In Slow Motion: https://lifeinslowmotionblog.wordpress.com/2015/02/16/escaping-the-guilt-and-shame-of-chronic-pain/
I read it today, and parts of it made me evaluate if there are subconscious parts of me that feel unworthy, guilty, and shameful. I think there probably are. I don't want to be a fake kind of positive, and I don't want to be a negative kind of realistic... It's such a balance. I feel like that all the time. Chronic illness is finding a balance of so many things. It's mental management of details, keeping yourself in check, and trying not to lie to yourself. It is hard not to feel like I am a bother to people or that my illness annoys people. Everyone in my life also walks a fine line of balance in how they act towards me, how they feel about it, etc. Chronic illness is just hard, isn't it?